Going to Italy? 5 Misunderstood Cultural Norms

You’ve learned things like “Un caffè, per favore” and “Dov’è la stazione?” but, when in front of locals, things are different. You doubt yourself and go “Did I say something wrong?” as people don’t always respond the way you expect.

Sometimes, it’s not what you say but how you say it and the context in which you use it. Here are 5 of the most misunderstood cultural norms in Italy. Understanding them will make your next trip smoother, friendlier, and way more fun.

1. "Come stai?” is not a casual throwaway

You are buying a bag in Milano and greet the checkout person by saying "Ciao, come stai?". They smile while looking quite confused. Why is this happening?

You may be using “Come stai?” as part of your Italian greeting in every single interaction.

“Come stai?” is what Italian learners tend to memorise as their first Italian phrase and use it the same way they use its “English equivalent” in their English-speaking country. But a language is deeply intertwined with its culture and way of life, and “Come stai?” is not used with strangers.

Italian locals use words and phrases differently from how language apps do (as apps “translate and apply" to whatever language according to the English way of speaking).

If you learn Italian in context and according to the Italian cultural traits using it like locals do, you will notice that for us Italians “Come stai?” is more intentional and said to people we know well or – at least – to someone we met before. Sometimes, it’s used in a more “profound way”, such as with a friend who has been going through something.

Tip: Don’t use “Come stai?” randomly, especially in formal/semi-formal contexts such as in certain shops or restaurants. Stick to “Buongiorno/Buonasera” and -if you’ve already met the waiter or shop assistant and they look like they remember you- add “Come va?”.

Here’s a gem: “Come va?” is often used by waiters to check on customers satisfaction. Answer “Tutto bene, grazie” to give a positive feedback.

2. Standing at the bar sipping coffee is common

You walk into an Italian bar and order a coffee. The barista hands it over in seconds, and you notice that a few locals are…having coffee while standing?!

You may feel tempted to ask: “Posso sedermi?” You can sit -if they have tables- but here’s the thing: standing at the bar is a very common way to enjoy coffee as a quick break or right after lunch, especially for office workers during the day.

But even when shopping around over the weekend, locals may stand while getting a quick boost of energy in the form of “espresso”, “ristretto” (more concentrated), or “macchiato” (an espresso with a “drop” of milk). Some people still sit if they wish to take a longer break or to eat a piece of cake and be more comfortable, but it might cost more.

Tip: if you’re out with locals, follow their lead. If they’re standing, they mean to have a quick break before going through the next part of the day, so…maybe don’t get a hot tea!

3. Cappuccino is not a dessert, but there is more

   
   

Imagine it’s 2:00 pm, you’ve enjoyed a lovely pasta and now you want to do what you would do in your home country: asking for a cappuccino (?!)

If it’s an authentic Italian restaurant where locals go, they may not even have it on the menu. So the waiter gives you that look.

We Italians typically enjoy a cappuccino in a “bar” for breakfast or, sometimes, as part of a “merenda” (mid-morning/mid-afternoon snack) with a “torta” or “pasticcino” in a “caffetteria” or “pasticceria”. This may be more common in cold, winter afternoons, when a “cioccolata” or a “cappuccino” can warm us up and bring friends together. So, Italians don’t have milk-based beverages after meals (and certainly not with meals, which is unconceivable).

But why? Because milk-based drinks have traditionally been seen as heavy on digestion. After lunch, it’s espresso time: quick, strong, and perfect for powering us up. Same thing after dinner or, for whom has trouble sleeping when assuming caffeine, an “amaro” shot or a fresh “sorbetto” may be ordered to aid digestion.

Tip: If you want to blend in like a local, follow their lead and avoid cappuccino after a meal. Notice the difference it makes to your digestion, and how much less “heavy” you may feel!

4. Menus are not as flexible as in other countries

You spot gnocchi on the menu and you want to ask if you can have it with pesto instead of tomato sauce. The waiter looks confused or politely says no.

In Italian restaurants for locals, the menu is not a suggestion. People may ask to have an ingredient removed -which may or may not be feasible- but they don’t normally customise. Every dish is a carefully crafted offering by a professional chef who knows how to get the most out of the ingredients. Despite anybody is free to decide to have their gnocchi with pesto at home, gnocchi with pesto is not a real match in the Italian cuisine (to be precise, it’s not even considered a pasta type). “Trofie” is the go-to pasta for pesto (a dish from Liguria region), then a chef may propose different pasta types that still go well with pesto while respecting all the flavours, but it’s their choice and responsibility, and it reflects the quality of the restaurant.

Tip: Unless you have intolerances/allergies, enjoy a dish as it comes (even if you’re not sure). It’s going to be an authentic experience and you may learn that ingredients you never had together are your new favourite thing!

5. You do not necessarily have to tip

You have just enjoyed a delicious meal and you’re thinking about leaving a tip and wonder “How much now?”.

Coming from other countries where tipping may feel like a must, you may thik it’s the same in Italy. But it’s not.

Tipping isn’t part of the Italian culture in the same way it may be in Australia or in the United States. The service is already included in your bill (“coperto”), and most Italians just leave a small change (if they do) when paying with cash. So, if you wish to leave a tip because you enjoyed the experience and you wish to reward the staff for the customer service received, a couple of euros is appreciated, while leaving 10–20% is not common and can even confuse the staff members.

Tip: To be thankful for a great service, a “Grazie, era tutto buonissimo!” works well, and it’s also a great way to practice your Italian and connect with natives.

Here’s a gem: A “ristorante” is a place where locals go to eat proper meals (such as pasta/risotto/gnocchi, “carne/pesce”), not hamburgers and chips. However, it's not necessarily fancy and expensive. Many “ristorante pizzeria” offer proper meals as well as restaurant-quality pizza at affordable prices.

Wish you could feel more Italian while you speak? In my upcoming Italian Traveller Workshop, you will practice real-scene conversations (it will be like rehearsing being in Italy without going), pick up natural body language and gestures, and speak Italian with cultural confidence so that your next trip to Italy will be magical! Click here for details:

https://www.enjoyyouritalian.com.au/service-page/italian-traveller-workshop